Please stop focusing on Sarah Palin and her possible run for the presidency in 2012.
It makes my head hurt.
Thanks,
Eithne
The whole thing was really baffling to me once I got over my initial "I WOULD NEVER ASK MY MOM TO DO THAT FOR ME" and the thoughts of 13 being too young and all that. I think what was more illuminating was the guys - all males - going off on the one female on the show for clearly lying about not being interested in masterbating. "Don't you just get that urge?" one of them asked and she said well, Yes, but it goes away after a little while.
You could have heard a pin drop following that.
Personally, and in the realm of way too much information but is something I've discussed candidly elsewhere, I didn't masterbate until my ex and I split up. Ever. I don't even recall being that interested in my body as a child - which isn't to say I didn't do what I'm told every child does, but if I did do the exploring my body thing, it wasn't something that stood out.
I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of giving a child an adult toy. I think... I think that part of me would really like my children to have a very healthy understanding of their bodies and their sexuality and a tool like that (if they asked) might be okay. Might be. Anyone else have any thoughts?
Dunno. I'm suddenly happy that the most pressing thing I have to deal with is whether or not Brody is going to eat my couch or my plants.
Kaylee has new tires* which means at this point, all the major stuff that I needed to have before winter hit is taken care of. I'm in the process of making the curtains which don't look awful. The ones to surround the entry are pretty much done - just need a couple finishing seams and lining though the lining is going to have to wait until one of us has money to spare - and that leaves just the ones for the windows themselves which are already cut and just need seams. It's not difficult work but it is tedious as i have to measure it out every so much to make sure i'm not sewing a crooked line. Because *that* would be noticible. And Suck.
I am not complaining that my life is boring. I am relieved that it is boring right now because I remember when it was interesting and I know that boring is really just a lull between two interestings.
I'm going to be meeting my first ever niece in a few weeks - the weekend after thanksgiving, as my brother's wife, her sister and my niece will all be flying in *on* thanksgiving day. Which gets me out of any thanksgiving duties, which doesn't break my heart since I don't love thanksgiving. Love the food. Love cooking. Love entertaining. Don't Love Thanksgiving. As for meeting my niece, I'm getting a little excited. I've never had a niece before. Or a nephew. Chris and I had nieces and nephews through his half family, but as they were all in florida, it didn't really mean much to either of us. I've already decided to get her books for Yule (which my brother was not impressed with, but. Whatever.) and I'm hoping that both my brother and his wife can work out their issues so that Runa can stick around because I would love to have a relationship with her. As for my brother and his wife and their relationship, holeeee gahds. I can't even shake a stick at that level of crazy and I hope that my family will leave them both alone to sort out their issues.
I am now cleaning houses almost officially. I'm not sure how this is going to go, really, but I'm being almost ridiculously (and quietly) hopeful. The money is useful as work is still Dead.
Brody is alternating through his nicknames "Hurricane" (as the devastation to the basement last night was comical) and "Beast" (ongoing). He is such a love though, and curls up in my lap when I am sitting there looking at the mess he's made as if to say Well! If You wouldn't leave me alone I wouldn't do Half this! On the upside, he's not jumping half as much as he was, his barking is becoming more of a warning woof when someone is on the driveway, and he's not biting. So. I'm taking it. And continuing to work on the things that need to be worked on.
I'm still cleaning up the jars and whatnots from Samhein. I did find both the dining table and the kitchen counter, so that's something. And I managed to clean the shower head and fix it (stupid gasket) when it wasn't working.
Not too bad though. All the bad things... well. They're bad. But I literally have no ability left to stress over them anymore. And I'm okay with that too.
* meaning the boyfriend paid for them, since that apparently needs to be spelled out now.
the work is trickling in this week. today i had my second load for the new company, also making no money on it, but i am holding out hope that will change over the next week and that once we get our rates in for his other lanes, we will have more freight on my boards which means rick's office can take over the meager pieces we're getting from our main customer and i can focus on these new guys that are going into their busy season.
the new customer is a headache though. he's difficult to get a hold of, tells me he did something (like send me a confirmation or all the information) that i did not get, or makes me wait until the end of the day to get all the information for a pick up the next day, when i need to call 48 hours in advance for delivery appointments one a one day run. it's... tricky. very tricky.
so my days are starting earlier, which... isn't the end of the world by any means. i'm mildly stressed about the loss of revenue on these loads and how difficult they can be to cover (shockingly, there's no trucks in that vast wasteland between watertown and syracuse... can't imagine why not...) but i'm going to remain optimistic. there IS freight in there, and there ARE guys that need loads. i just need to make the connection.
***
in the meantime, being poor has almost become a laughable matter. when
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ckocherand i are talking about it, i find it so strange just how conscientious i am about even a penny anymore. i'm super creative with my meals, my $25 a week budget having been slashed even further (no, i'm not starving myself either!), meager with the heat (though it is on because dammit all, it's cold), and generally okay with being home bound for long periods of time so i don't use gas. it also means the times i do choose to go out, i cram as much in as i can in a three hour window. which works.
***
i am going to start cleaning houses though, hopefully just through the holidays. it was something else C and i were talking about and i'm going to be optimistic about that too. a few nights a week won't kill the dogs to be home without me, and the money earned will help me deal with my bills. the electric alone is going to give me a heart attack by next month.
***
all in all, things are even-stevens. could be much better, but i have gratitude for all that i do have right now.
this close of the year, this void time, i spent illuminated. i enjoyed so much of the interaction with each person passing through, most everyone so bright. the sand i gave was each persons already, i just colored in the edges a bit. i had so much gratitude in my space, waiting and feeling the stretching of my Self into the Other. i was keen on answers, some silence being enough. some dove off with sand in their hands, the grit enclosed in skin and shaken off later. the physical grit anyway. spiritual grit has a funny way of getting into all those nooks and crannies one doesn't expect that they have.
***
this is the end of a long cycle for me and the beginning of another, and so it goes. i'm relieved and relaxed, almost like i can feel cat-like ripples move through my limbs, the swishing of a tail from a perch, watching and waiting for a new moment. nothing dramatic, mostly calm. so much of the work and Work to do is all internal, getting comfortable in my practice and my path that is so very foreign and yet settles in those nooks and crannies like water finding its way and settling.
i am at the space between times. i like it.
***
two different people provided the ritual for me for the night. one explained the idea of Justice in context with the jaguar energy I've been working with. the other showed me the group through her eyes -- same group that i was seeing, but with the negatives inverse. it was startling and i've been mulling both pieces of Wisdom since last night.
i am finding myself more comfortable with the responsibility of Action, and Right Action. i am well outside the realm of the Wiccan Rede anymore, instead finding tools in the idea of doing what one will and accepting the consequences regardless because the will is Right. this is a mingling of the long arm of Karma, and Justice for the sake of those who don't have voice. It is not strange territory, but i'm finding the definitions vary from person to person as to what each movement entails.
and in the back of my crowded little mind, i hear Orion calling - Know Whom You Serve.
definitely working on that.
Link to the snopes discussion - Basically, OK has decided that starting Nov 1 they will be posting abortion stats on the internet. They're keeping it "legal" and within the guidelines of HIPPA since the women will not be identified by name or SSN. However, they will be reported by county, number of living children, relationship status, reason for abortion and so on. (Huffington Post Article on this)
The senator on CNN is going on and on about how women will not be able to be identified by this information - clearly he's never lived in a small town.
I seriously hope this gets shot down by the courts.
Winterizing has been a full on process this year and I'm taking much better care to be sure that all the drafty bits are not drafty. I loathe turning on the heat at all having electric heat, but the thought of pipes bursting and my boyfriends logic kind of squashed my Fists In the Air resistance to turning the dial on the thermostats.
For some reason though, my house is resisting me using heating elements. The heating in the dining nook and entry has been an ongoing issue, but recently my oven decided that pre-heating is really not its thing and turns itself off randomly which is really annoying when one goes to put a cake in the oven, or last night's ziti dish, and discovers that the oven is actually in the process of cooling down. Rick seems to think it's another reo-stat and I'm just generally swearing at the oven.
And then this morning, when I went to move my jeep out of the garage (having decided I really could use the space to do some other projects and the jeep can deal being outdoors and tarped this winter) the jeep would not turn on. I think it just needs a jump, but seriously?
***
I hate my finances. Specifically, I just hate looking at my accounts. I am not just not getting ahead, I'm sinking again. Sigh.
***
Need to update Octobers Challenge too.
***
Sigh. I should go do some more stuff outside. Whee.
I finished the last slice of Pot Pie yesterday. It was very yummy all week long though I do think next time I make it, I'll make it a bit juicier.
The week went well, overall. I did go out for a meal Wednesday night because we had our first Heathen Discussion and I don't feel right going to a restaurant and just taking up space without ordering. Another night I went to Crystal's for dinner, but I brought a slice of pot pie with me as a trade for yummy quesadilla's.
I find myself depending on my staple goods though and next week, that will probably bite me in the backside. five chicken breasts were used in total during the week which would definitely put me over the 25 a week threshold.
I managed to wait to go grocery shopping until this morning, a day later than last week, but I spent $26.16. Almost half of that trip was a pot roast, which I'm making for dinner tonight with root veggies and the leftovers are going to be put to use in a shepherds pie tomorrow (something I've been craving this week - fall is definitely afoot!).
I'm cranky about going over budget, but ... I'm going to have to get over it.
and then we all woke up this morning.
i'm in the "what the hell?" camp about President Obama's nomination and selection for the 2009 laurels. i appreciate his humility and humor in accepting the award (though i admit i rather wish he would have declined it, though i have no idea how ... bad that would have been on the world stage. though, is it any worse than this blitz? really? and someone, PLEASE, smack the committee that made the decision).
i think that this is a worrisome and annoying development in a very bumpy ride for the president who is already feeling the pangs of the honeymoon being over. healthcare, looming double diget unemployment, how many trillions of dollars in debt are we? and he gets an award for brokering peace - the irony shadowing the stage with the possible increase in troops in an area that hasn't been held by invaders in KNOWN HISTORY. we're talking back to freaking Ghengis Khan and Alexander the great - both those poster boys for world domination said Yanno... This is a bad idea.
but here we go.
don't get me wrong - i think we have a moral obligation in Afghanistan to not leave those folks to the wolves of tyranny under Al Queida and the Taliban. we promised when we went in there and removed the corrupt government (note to us: start with ourselves next time? but more on that in a minute) that we would not leave them this time (like we did with the USSR). and dammit all, we should follow through on this.
and we're going to pay a lot more - money and blood - than we already have to do it.
***
RANGEL - QUIT DAMMIT.
i think we need to either bring back the stocks and whippings, or our elected officials need to start taking a Zero Tolerance Policy towards their own stupidity. even if we look at the tax evasion as a simple mistake - which it could be - i sincerely believe that he should be put in the stocks for it since he doesn't seem to be quitting.
clearly our politicians don't do their own taxes (if they did, you KNOW it would be simplier), so they have accountants and helpers and people all over the place to get the information, and if those people make mistakes, the politician pays when some snoopy reporter (so few left) starts digging around in all those pesky public files. some might say that it's not the politicians fault if someone else makes the mistake and i say Screw That. you hired them, they represent you - for good and bad.
and if, if you're evading on purpose? Stocks for a month. i pay any number of taxes every day - on gasoline, on my food, on my phone lines, - i am taxed six ways from sunday. the politicians need to remember a bit better where they came from because the little people they're supposed to be representing are not exactly content or happy anymore. paying taxes on your rental income property would go a long way to staying off the stupid-radar.
what irritates me is Pelosi has made the comment that the 'swamp' of DC needs to be cleared of corruption from within. Well, Madam Speaker, out with the rubbish. the dems have a razor thin margin left to them and it's being squandered. Get Rid Of Him, and make a vow - and bloody follow through with it - to swiftly and absolutely deal with ANYONE who is meant to serve the public and fails to pay into the system. No wonder we're flailing here.
Of course, Washington would get cleared out in a matter of weeks, but maybe something would get done.
sheesh.
***
Ok. One more thing on Polanski - this guy wins. Wiiiins.
***
We bombed the moon this morning, looking for water. Why are the pagans the ones being complete and total ninnys about this? The pagan snark board has been awash in ... painfully funny comments for the last few days.
***
ok. That's enough for the moment.
*sigh*
Also, it's a bit too easy to just make things from the pantry, which I'm going to keep doing but I think somewhere around midmonth, I'm going to feel the pinch of things running out and having to downgrade what I'm doing. Last night I made two apple cakes - well, I made one that ended up being two because there was so much batter and it wasn't necessary to make a four layer cake. Out of all the ingredients for that, the only thing I had to pick up was a couple of apples (which I wanted for pot pie anyway) and some applesauce. I had cream cheese for the frosting and everything else, and now i have a sweet thing for during the week (and my tea this morning).
So I guess, (spinning this) I'm learning the value of using *everything* I have on hand.
Tea is going well, especially because I have some black tea here, and I'm not missing my coffee in the mornings. Juice is going to be a problem in a few days. And Stone comes home Saturday night which will throw a small wrench in everything. I'm already looking for deals on his favorite snack foods. I'm really only eating two meals and a snack every day, which isn't different than what I was doing before this challenge (though it is different from what I was doing when Stone was home - I was making sure we both had lunch and dinner definitely, and breakfast was available even if it wasn't eaten. I'm kinda wondering if three meals a day is just not worth the effort or calories).
very very interesting and it's only four days in.
The good news is I was able to keep the grocery bill under $25.00: the total was $18.82.
I figured that the half case of chicken I had in the fridge (minus a few breasts) works out to $1.43 a breast. Which is not cheap, at all. I had a bit of a crisis over this today when I was planning my meals because, on one hand, I have the chicken here and I should be using what I have, rather than spending money on more meat. On the other hand, the whole chicken (1.28/lb Weis) or the split chicken breasts (.99/lb Weis) is a *lot* cheaper and goes a lot further. It's a bit of a connundrum. Especially when I figure if I only use one breast a day it works out to $10.01 a week, leaving me with $14.99, which is a very, very difficult thing to work out.
My compromise is I'm going to use the chicken I have on hand and keep track of what I use, just like I'm using the things I have in my pantry already. I'm still not going to measure out the cost of flour, or rice, or pepper, but I am at some point going to have to buy them again (especially the flour and rice) and that has got to get figured in to the weekly total.
Figuring out the cost of the chicken, per breast, was... a shock, I admit. I know it's not cheap, but now that I've really focused on it, and am comparison shopping there is a very sharp contrast.
The immediate sacrifice this week was coffee. Well. Not so much coffee because I have that in the freezer already, but the creamer that I use for the coffee. I had run out the day before yesterday and was trying to use just cream and sugar (I really like it sweet), but the ... taste of the coffee just killed me two days in a row. Apparently I've been masking how I felt about the coffee with vanilla creamer, go figure. Creamer is $3.00 and just not worth it. I have tea - which *does* taste yummy with cream and sugar - so that will have to work.
I also took the loaf of bread that Stone had left in the fridge, toasted each of the slices (I don't typically eat sandwiches), and made breadcrumbs for some very yummy fall baked chicken.
I do think a lot of my meals are going to consist of rice, chicken and veggies. That is my 'comfort' dish and it's very inexpensive to make. Also, this is a good way to do portion control; I only have so much food to get me through the week so not only do I have to think and cook creatively with the things I have on hand, but I also have to take much smaller portions. I'm curious to see if there is a difference in my trousers at the end of the month as well.
The one thing I was sure to get today that was a bit of a splurge was cranberry juice - the real juice, not from concentrate. For me, juice is as important as veggies, especially in the fall. My immune system is already depressed, the fall makes it worse, and I need to get as much of the good vitamins in me as I can and juice (though high in calories) is a very good way to do it.
So today:
bagel (p)
cream cheese (p)
oj (p)
1 cup rice (dry) (p)
chicken (p) (1.43)
tomato (p)
So ah, everything I ate today were things I already had on hand (p).
And now we're moving forward, done is done.
Octobers Challenge is to spend $25.00 a week on food. I've been thinking about this for the last couple of days, and even with Stone coming home, I'm going to stick to it for the month. Of course it would be easier to say $25 a week per person for food, but easy is not a challenge.
I don't think I'll be able to manage the animal stuff on that though, so that will have to be seperate. It's not their fault I'm poor.
I'm optimistic about this. I have a decent pantry of staples, I like to cook things from scratch, and I have the time to cook. I just want to set a goal at the outset and see if I can do it. Throughout the course of the challenge, I'll post my grocery list and meal plan. I absolutely welcome suggestions, but please please please don't be offended if I just don't take y'all up on something. For instance, I *know* leguemes are cheap. I however think the taste is ... vile. There's a long list of vile tasting things. So I kinda have to work within my tastes as well which are expensive (cheese notably.)
Also, in the last couple of weeks Crystal and I bought a case of chicken because it was Super Cheap, so I have all of that still in my freezer waiting to be used. I do think it's cheating to add that into the meal without figuring the cost since chicken breasts are so expensive, so I'm going to figure out the price per serving and figure that in to the total. I won't be doing that with the pantry staples though because, quite frankly, figuring out the price of a tablespoon of flour is just not something I'm going to do.
Tomorrow will be the first shopping trip within this challenge. Should be a treat. (oy!)
ETA: i should point out that it's been a while since I've actually forced myself to stay under a specific amount. Groceries have been done rather haphazardly and since Stone left, I've done one shopping trip ($30 and I'm still nomming on all of that). The point of this is not just to stay within the budget, but to really focus on balanced meals; quesadillas, for all my love of them, do not count as balanced. And this will also help me to remember to *eat* since, when it's just me, I tend to eat one meal a day and maybe a snack which is more detrimental to my health and diet than three portions. Or even two.
brody had gouged a hole in the large pillow the size of his head and gutted the pillow.
the first fifteen minutes - between the panic that the regional manager was on his way and i hadn't showered yet that morning, and trying to not flip out at the dog - was spent restuffing the pillow and putting it back in a way where the massive hole wouldn't be visible.
later, in the afternoon, i got a grip on why i was really upset. it wasn't just that the puppy had damaged my furniture. it was that i - the reasonable, rational adult living here - had left the puppy alone long enough to do that kind of damage. after reading on all the things a puppy can do, after the vet telling me he had some of his big teeth coming in, i left him alone.
*of COURSE* he was going to damage something. i knew better and i didn't act like i did.
***
today has gone better. i've been on top of him since that incident yesterday morning and i've redoubled my lately-lacking efforts at his training. he's also been doing this thing lately that, when he gets bored, he goes to the door and barks because he's figured out that i'm very good about coming when he says he has to go out. today i've implemented a go outside every couple of hours, and only go out every couple of hours, schedule. in a few days, i'll stretch that out another hour, and so on until he's capable of being left alone for long hours (months and months away).
puppies are definitely their own full time experience.
***
today's training - on top of everything else - is working again with brody coming to me when he's called. he's also developed in the last couple of weeks this... well. i want to say attitude, but that's a bit too anthropomorphised for even myself. but basically, he knows his name, knows that i want him to come to me and he takes off the opposite way. and even though i've never beaten him, he acts like i'm about to slap him silly when i do get my hands on him. it's unnerving and frustrating at best.
bribery with animals though, that seems to be the ticket. small, low calories treats given to him when he responds to his name and *comes to me* ... bribery goes against everything i know, but i know things from a human development perspective. dogs - as much as they are treated like our kids - are not human and aren't creatures you can reason with.
puppy classes are going to be necessary and soon because apparently *i* need to be retrained.
American Dad Jailed in Japan
Couple points on this news story:
* first, the whole thing kinda forces the perpective of what we're looking at with my brother's wife, and I don't find it particularly comforting. I also find it amazingly stupid that the father didn't have *american passports* for his children. they only have japanese passports. He was going to the consulate, with the children, and was going to have to get them there. he knew and warned the family court about the possibility of his wife taking the children, so i don't understand why he wasn't better prepared for that possibility.
* second - and this isn't mentioned in the article but in other stories - the father made it past the first barrier and the door was not opened for him. having had a problem at the embassy in Ireland, this really, really bothers me that americans are getting held up outside the doors.
***
I was going to post a link to the health care debate stuff, but... I'm probably the only person who finds any of it interesting in my peer group, so I'll spare y'all that.
***
Forgive after 30 years?
The whole thing with Roman Polanski is abhorrent and I honestly think if you don't find it offensive, you need to check your decency meter. He fled the country after pleading guilty and, regardless of his personal trauma and amazing movies (Hollywood -- seriously?! Shut. Up. Woody Allen is not exactly what you might call a character witness on relations with younger women); he needs to be held accountable for his actions.
this whole thing is a legal head-desk.
***
I know I had more things I was swearing over yesterday but I didn't jot them down. Ah well.
the leaves outside my window crinkle as they blow across the back yard. it is strange to be in fall, finally, when this summer has been so cool and wet. have our summers always been this way and i'm only just noticing it in the last couple of years? dappled sunlight, leaves turning brown before they find their shock of color, and the woodland already carpeted in copper-colored death. it feels too soon though i've been told that we're really right on schedule for frosts and chills and leaves falling.
i think it's just my insides crying out for silence that comes with winter and dreading it just the same.
the dogs went to
ckocher's with me last night and ran a riot in her backyard. i love love love to watch them play. skye is such a tolerant pup (admittedly not so much a pup anymore), and when she gets low to the ground and just sprints away, leaving brody in the dust, i just find it hysterical. he charges after her, my barrel-bull of a puppy, and she lets him catch up with her only to sprint away again. they make my heart happy. today is for hopefully finishing up all the stupid that needs to be finished up with regards to the new-ness of the agency. the luster of the big company has worn thin with being lost in the shuffle, long hold times, and just plain silliness. i have a plan for monday to get things going and though i expect it will be slow (and we're going into our slower months, joy.) i also expect that the slowness will help me iron out the kinks of processing freight.
the meeting the other day with the main customer went better than either rick or i expected, so i am hopeful. now i just need to be dilligent.
so now that my desk and shelves over it are *really* cleaned off, and the filing begun even haphazardly, i can clean out the back of the truck, pack a night bag and the dogs things up and go to and see the boyfriend for a couple of nights. i'll be sitting in the hotel on saturday working on a winter budget, but the dogs will have a chance to play with Stone and i'll get some rest. a good weekend then.
and then back to my office. the rest of the shelves mock me.
Next time, don't bother putting on makeup before taking the dogs to the kennel. It was a complete waste and your face is poofy and red regardless.
Also, just don't take them to a kennel again.
nightmare. absolute nightmare. Good job on not eating before going, much less to throw up that way, but now you're hungry and feel like being sick.
Rethink having children. If you're this awful with the four legged types, the two legged ones are going to be a disaster.
me.
already the routine of life without stone being here has returned. my meals are more sporadic, the cleaning is constant, and i'm compiling that personal list of things to do - for myself, for the home, for the dogs, for the garden. i managed to get a solid workout in yesterday morning between the slow workday and today i'm feeling it in my arms and abs. i have small body goals in mind to have accomplished by the time i see him again - not because those goals are *for* him (hahaha. no.) but because between the time he left and the time he's here - or i'm there - is a definite span. it's not such an arbitrary "three weeks from today" but a goal. whatever my carrot may be i suppose.
i spent the late morning clearing off my unloved deck and the plant debris that i've let go unchecked for the better part of a month. i hacked back the mint and have put it away for overwintering - early, yes, but i believe it will be fine. trimmed the basil down a bit too, to the parts that were looking like they were actually beginning to thrive. cleared off my garden work-bench, planted one of my trimmings from the wandering jew, cleaned up the yard a bit and felt like at least a third of my work for after mabon had been taken care of. or at least, it won't be a complete nightmare to deal with the garden now.
i am hoping that the lavender and lambs ear will keep for a couple weeks yet, i'd like to try my wreath again and burn this one. it's nice to walk by it though and have that sweet scent follow.
i also went after the orgeno, marjoram and chives that have become small, green monsters in the front. i ended up with a nice fistfull of them, which i tied up to dry. my hands, gloves and bench smelled like what i have to believe an italian grandmothers kitchen would smell like. i'm going to have to trim them all back further, soon i know, but i'm holding out yet. this summer has been so wet, so cold, that i feel like waiting until i really can't wait anymore to gather more herbs for drying.
and with all of that done and swept away, with the gentle rains this afternoon and the headache creeping around the edges of my left temple, i'm enjoying the stillness before the bustle of tomorrow, before taking the dogs to their vacation home and being picked up by a fancy car to go to several airports and a bus so i can start a new agency and hopefully, a new fiscal life. i have appreciated so much how business has picked up these last few weeks and i feel like, finally, this can be a sustainable job... that i might finally have a career that i won't need to run away from in two years. i'm nervous about these meetings, about meeting people 10 and 20 years my senior and feeling like i am once again 14 wearing her mom's shoes that are clearly too big for her.
but i am happy, even with the stress of the dogs, to be moving again and going someplace else for a few days. packing to leave is meditative and calming, and no matter what the destination, there really is a certain calm in the travel (unless i'm going through atlanta). leaving on sunday helps - there is so much extra time built in from when i leave to the meetings on monday that i'm feeling confident about the travel at least. traveling solo really does make me happy.
solo or not, i have a lot of gratitude that stone is back to work and that we survived, very well all things considered, many months of being near one another - between a hotel room, multiple thousand mile driving trips, and then being here. that kind of constant being together wasn't something i was ever able to do with anyone else. and while we did have our moments, they're small compared to the other kinds of moments. so much gratitude.
and maybe a bigger-than-small shred of hope.
* for the business meeting, the change in agency, and the forward momentum. i'm not where i thought i'd be, but i *am* happy.
* for my boyfriend, full stop.
* for being able to laugh when brody pulls the toilet paper through the apartment while it's still attached to the roll. why i didn't get a picture is beyond me.
* for a quiet enough day that we could play hookey and go see a movie.
* for delicious steaks.
* for a boyfriend happy to go back to work.
* for the last few months.
* for realizing what i need to do next.
* for friends who are crazy enough to want to help me papier mache my face.
* for getting the yahoo group and coffee discussion group going.
* for having a very cool partner for the coffee and group discussion.
* for my cat starting to chill out a bit.
* for nights that are just chilly enough that the down comforter *is* a comfort.
* for his kisses.
* for being proud when the President of the US walks onto the floor.
* for what my boyfriend just said to me that I can't really repeat here.
We took Brody to his vet appointment today for what we thought was going to be his 16 week booster shots. We were instead suprised to discover that Brody is younger than we were told (by a month which makes him three months, not four, which means he was taken away from his mom and litter much much earlier than we thought), can't get his booster, has the beginnings of a whipworm problem (which is nasty) and due to his age and what stage the ww was in, has had it since close to birth. And while the vet wouldn't say he was neutered too young by the rescue agency, he came very close with the statement that no one is really sure what will happen with a pediatric neutering. Pediatric. A child. Brody will get bigger than he would have without being fixed so young - possibly another two inches in height even - and it will make sussing out his diet in a few months a bit more touch and go.
Other than that, and the slight lecture I got about letting Brody bite/mouth me, he's in good shape. The vet brought up a training point for us as well, that we need to hold him and get him used to being held without whimpering (or trilling as he was doing which was really surreal for me to hear). The lecture... well. I get what the vet was saying and he's right, Brody shouldn't be biting. But given how young he is and how early he was taken away from his litter, it's more important to me that he learns how to bite gently now so that when he *is* startled (stepping on his tail, a child being ... well. a child and doing something stupid) he grabs on without hurting anyone. *That* is important to me. The no-biting? That is also important, but we've got a week at least before I start putting the apple bitter on my hand and yelping when he bites. Teaching a dog that not biting is easy, but teaching them to bite gently is hard if you wait until a problem pops up. Thanks, no thanks.
***
My training is set for the new agency and I'll be flying out to Illinois the week after next to get trained on the new system. Work is steady this week, though this morning was slightly crazy. I need the work though, so there is no complaint about the phone going nuts. The Friday I get back - day before observed-Mabon - I'll officially be with the new agency.
And I get to start all over.
***
It's been a very busy week and it's going to be a very, very busy weekend.
ckocher and I dove in and got the platform of the crazy-new-project started and in another week, that will be pretty much good to go and get announced. I have neglected my garden in a very bad way since work got busy, and now that I'm looking at it and feeling like I really need to do something, it's almost time to start getting everything ready for winter. In the meantime, I have to send off for the title to my jeep since I really don't know where it went. I think this mercury in retrograde, my office is going to get sorted out in a very big scary way. One of the desks is going to be leaving and I don't know if it's going to be mine, or Stone's, but one of them has to go. (Love Craigslist. Love it.) My personal demon of paperwork and detrius needs to be hacked back, again, and honestly, the filing. What a nightmare I've let that become.
And my garden bench area. Holy crap the stuff that is piled there has no business *being* there. *aaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!*
***
Now for vacuuming. whee.
ckocher came over tonight to get her suprise and to go over the list of things we need to do (which should really be The List Of Things We Need To Do at this point) and was reminding me of how much good, useful and cheap or outright free stuff I've found over the past month. I've had some really awesome scores on Craigslist and freebies through family or friends - things that we've needed or have been looking at getting for quite some time. and given how tight money is, the fact that all of these things were practically given away... it means a lot.
so tonight, a long moment of gratitude for the useful things that have found their way into our lives.
***
there is a good deal going on. i was really glad C reminded me how *good* this month has been, because lately - in the last week or so - i was starting to spiral back into a very negative place. i might still be, i don't know if this is a momentary reprieve. i am glad to be reading more of other's work with these Gods who are not strange to me, but not familiar either. i know my relationship with Them will be my own, but there really is some comfort in just seeing a path others have begun, even if i don't travel it myself. this relationship feels more formal - more things to do and steps that need to be taken, and i am wary of talking about it too much because it is all so ... new.
***
the quiet of tonight, with the chill warnings of what is to come, weighs. most of the windows are shut, the smell of woodsmoke from up the road a bit drifts through the trees. it is not calendar autumn yet, and yet i feel the bite of the snow around the corner and wonder what winter will bring. and then i hear River's voice over the cards, reminding me of lessons in patience and warning me not to pull the future to me, again. and again.
some things are harder than others.
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- eithnedamaurot
- Gods Grant Me Grace